


Optimal Conditions for Emotional Phytoplanktopic Preservation

by trr_rr



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Anal Play, Existential Angst, M/M, Making Love, Medication, Mental Health Issues, Science Husbands, Scientific mumbo jumbo, Tattoos, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 14:00:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11037624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trr_rr/pseuds/trr_rr
Summary: Newton knew that his existence in his own specific universe was so statistically unlikely that he must, imperatively, experience every moment to it's fullest with as much gusto and enthusiasm as he was able within the limited scope of the human body he had been given.





	Optimal Conditions for Emotional Phytoplanktopic Preservation

**Author's Note:**

> (Not beta read)

 

 

 

Newton knew that his existence in his own specific universe was so statistically unlikely that he must, imperatively, experience every moment to it's fullest with as much gusto and enthusiasm as he was able within the limited scope of the human body he had been given. Sense memory was important to him. Smell and light and sound were all key in unlocking specific moments in time, as time was not something that could be sliced and preserved in formaldehyde and acidic Lugol's iodine to keep fresh in the fridge for later examination (oh if life were that simple, dude.). Time, vibration and physical emotion were interlocked in some very interesting ways.

The Lab was stuffy and too cold and too hot and Newton liked to play music at work quite often. He would select his playlist based on the general mood of the day, on the weather or on what intricate procedures he would be carrying out. Occasionally, if Doctor Gottlieb wasn't deep in _the zone_ he would allow his fingers to twiddle the dials on the wall mounted receiver so they could both listen to BBC World radio.

More often than not this resulted in Hermann shaking his head at the dull and upsetting British weather report. But sometimes, just sometimes, Newton let the radio go on longer and they would catch the beginning of the popular radio show The Archers.

Newton never asked why Hermann would turn off the radio just after the theme tune ended. He could tell from the way his head bobbed to the music when Newton thought he wasn't looking that Hermann was fond of the tune. The ghostly silence would ring in Newton's ears as Hermann drifted from the dead radio back to his work. He had many questions as to why that particular song seemed to both delight and torment him.

Newton knew that Hermann had adored spending his former years in England and had been made to leave by the war, by his sense of duty to humanity and by his asshole-money-minded-distant-butt-face father.

Sometimes Newton found that his memory of an event could be erroneous and his instinctive reactions to stimuli were uncalled for and even alienating.

Jell-o made him physically wretch. As a child he had been prone to choking. One child dies from choking every five days in the United states. Newton had choked six times as a child. He had, from an early age, had a oral fixation.

He had never choked on Jell-o or any other type of slimy gelatinous substance but the sensation of something foreign wiggling around inside the delicate trunk of his oesophagus made him panic. Jell-o shots were just a thrill too far from his reach. How he envied those with less traumatic nutritional histories when he was getting shit-faced with the Jaeger crews. They looked like so much fun in bright colours being slurped noisily up by all but himself.

It didn't effect his ability to perform fallacio, though. Oh no, let it not be said that Doctor Newton Geiszler was afraid of choking on anything other than gelatin. (This fact can be backed up by Dr Gottlieb with the experiment having been repeated again and again due to Hermann's insistence upon rationalism and fair testing.)

So; Newton had found that a person's reaction to certain stimuli could be irrational due to the body's sense of self preservation _and_ that there could be cognitive dissonance between the pleasant memories we want to feel and how we truly do feel in hindsight because of later embittered emotional reasoning.

As much as Newton longed to hold on to moments in time, it seemed the human condition would not let him or anyone else capture a feeling or pleasant memory as each one was changed by the mere continuation of life. The urge to preserve memory like that cool mosquito in fossilised amber from Jurassic Park was strong but inevitably in vain. The perception of time, much like the perception of self, is fluid and the metamorphosis from birth to death, from year to year, from day to day is constant, unpredictable and so incredibly full of potential that Newton can hardly contain himself when he thinks about it for too long.

This is especially true when he's around Dr Hermann Gottlieb.

–

 

Hermann gently swept a wet-wipe across Newton's freshly painted skin. He had balked at the prospect when Newton had removed the initial cling wrap (disgusting) to reveal weeping ink and blood that smeared over his shoulder. When Newton had turned to beg a little, Hermann couldn't resist the tired sparkle in his eyes.

“Remind me again why you insist upon scarring yourself forever with the emblazoned representations of the very source of all the world's misery, darling.

“Well, they die.” Newton whispered in a hiss as a cold wipe was pressed with care to the toothy face of Slattern.

 

–

 

Newton dumped his work bag by the door and strode deliberately through the kitchen to Hermann's side. He was stirring milk into his tea and Newton's customary welcome home coffee.

“How was therapy?”

“I don't wanna talk about it.”

“Really?” Hermann lifted his cheek slightly to receive Newton's kiss. “That bad?”

“Don't wanna talk about it. Ok?”

When Doctor Wilson had suggested that Newton might not be capable of caring for Hermann he had completely freaked out. Yeah, he'd cried when he drove home afterward but it wasn't like he was completely unstable and unable to give his partner what he needed.

Maybe she had only been trying to make him look at his own situation objectively but it frightened him like nothing else.

_If you can't be there for him twenty four seven then there are going to be times when he'll have to pick himself up. In the same way that you despise being coddled, Hermann also needs to know that he's your crutch, it's only fair._

“That fucking bitch.”

“Newton, that's awful.”

 

–

 

Their small house was of course, by the ocean. Their home had two beds, but only one was frequently used.

“I want every part of you, all the time.” Newton whispered into the dark shell of Hermann's ear. “I know you believe in an afterlife or something like a place after death but I know it's not true. I know it, I can feel it not there, like my heart is hollow. When you're there it all seems to go quiet, like the vacuum's been filled up.”

“Are you scared of dying, Newton?”

“I'm scared of going anywhere without you.”

 

–

 

“Newton, slow down, for God's sake.” Hermann chuckled, one hand splayed firmly over Newton's face as he tried to suck at Hermann's neck.

“Nah, man, come on, take your pants off.”

“It's not a race.” Hermann scowled.

“Who says? I'm gonna die, let's do this.”

“When, when are you going to die, Newton?”

“Someday, we both will. I wanna feel you all over in a bunch of ways so I don't miss out on any part of your body.” Newton drew his own shirt up and off in a flourish of his arms and glasses and fluffy hair.

“I'm not going anywhere for a long time yet.”

“Yeah, but I wanna feel you. Right now.” Newton pressed his body all along Hermann's bones as tightly as he could manage on their little two seat sofa. “I see who you are and I really dig it like, on a cellular level.”

“And I desire you mathematically, dearest but I need to- Newton _really now_.” Hermann shoved Newton to the floor, pre-emptively drawing the cushions into his lap as a potential shield against further attack. “You _madman_ , what's come over you?”

Newton rubbed at his offended bottom, having been unceremoniously dropped to the hardwood floor. The fuzzy glow of a Kaiju's open maw on the telescreen made their darkened living room seem cold and different. He felt alone despite the love of his life sitting right there with a ghoulish “are you cycling up or down” stare.

 

–

 

Each of Newton's fingers were kissed. Every fingertip given a little wetness from Hermann's mouth, tiny gifts given at a pace that Newton could hardly stand.

“I'm fine. I promise.” Newton curled his hand under Hermann's jaw, licking his lips as Hermann twisted his well lubed fingers deep in his ass. “I'm ready.

“I'll let you know when you're ready.” Hermann replied.

The house was quiet and Newton's skin almost crackled when Hermann stroked his palm up over the side of his body. The faint static sound of friction on downy hair made him shiver.

“I know you want everything all at once but you have me already.”

“I'm sorry. Nnh, I'm sorry, I'm impatient, I want it.”

Hermann nodded and gently let his lips graze the vulnerable skin over the veins in Newton's wrist. He pressed harder and Newton felt his own pulse echo against the pressure.

“Every part of you is important. Every bit of you is precious to me.”

“Ppff.” Newton's cheeks went pink. “Cute.”

“Sex doesn't need to be a rush to the end. In all this time I don't think we've ever made love.”

Newton let his eyes roll up to the heavens, at a loss for what to say.

“Well, just 'cos I like to fuck hard doesn't mean we don't l-love each other.”

Hermann sucked Newton's thumb into his mouth and Newton let out a breath that settled deep in his gut where Hermann was slowly working him.

“You, uh, you have a really gorgeous mouth, dude. It's all hot and wet and I just wanna fuck your mouth really bad at the worst moments, like at a conference when you're talking to other dudes or when you smile at me while I'm giving a talk. Super distracting.”

“How lovely.” Hermann moved his attention on to the crook of Newton's elbow and then nuzzled into his armpit with a hum while he drew out his fingers.

“Nnh, that tickles.” Newton flinched and then shivered when Hermann licked a damp stripe through his armpit hair.

“Isn't it frustrating, not being able to exist inside each other. I think the drift really did scramble our brains beyond the point of return.

Newton knew there was an event horizon between where his own consciousness lived and the neural load that had been pumped into his blood brain barrier. He couldn't perceive his new found hatred of hospital as Hermann's rather than his own, having had nothing in which to anchor his sense of self before they had drifted.

Sometimes he wanted to feel wet silt between his massive clawed webbed toes. Other times he couldn't understand why he no longer enjoyed jelly beans. Mostly he just wanted to reunite the vivid sense memories of Hermann's mind with Hermann's body again.

“Its like the only time I feel fine is when you're inside me. I'm desperate all the time. We've been doing this for ten years and I still can't stop thinking about you.”

“About me?” Hermann cooed. He scooted over in their bed, getting between newton's thighs and kissing up the pale soft flesh of Newton's groin. “Or about my cock in your arse?”

“Both, man. _Both_. I love you, please.”

 

–

 

“Remember that time you called me a Kaiju _grrrroupie_ in front of Raleigh and Pentecost and Mako?”

“Hm?” Hermann turned over, folded the top of the duvet over and squinted at Newton in the morning light.

“Yeah, remember? You said I loved them.”

“Um. No, actually, I do not.”

Newton loved Hermann in the morning, all the time if he was honest, but especially in the morning with his bad breath and sleep in his eyes and his hair that stood on end for no reason. His medication made him a deep sleeper.

“It was pretty humiliating.”

“I'm sure it was called for at the time. Were you being embarrassing?”

“No.”

“Well, had you upset me?”

“I don't think so. Maybe I was a little harsh when I introduced you to Raleigh.”

“Then what can you expect? I will retaliate if I am provoked. I'm not a saint, Newton.”

 

–

 

The trivial specifics of memory can be damaged over time. They erode and chain fragmentation can occur when each instance is not properly sorted in the mind. Newton found that medication had damaged his memory of touch. He had forgotten how the soft hair on the back of Hermann's hand had seemed to spark against his fingers when they held hands on the pier as the sunset shone a sickly polluted orange a few days after The Breach had closed. They'd walked side by side and there had been something about eating fish for every dinner thereafter for the rest of their lives that they had both been in stitches over.

This memory was stripped from the insulated wires of his mind by a prolonged dose of Quetiapine (or “quiet pain” as Newton had dubbed them). There were a couple of achingly sustained spontaneous erections that Hermann had very much enjoyed but mostly the medication had knocked him out and made him forget to close his mouth to prevent unsightly drooling.

It had been a good memory, he had wanted to remember every part of that moment on the pier forever but all he could seem to pull up out of the fog was the smell of polluted sea water and the way the light had given Hermann's shaved hair a glow like a weird holy aura around his awesome brain.

Hermann had assured him that that evening had been lovely and the water had indeed smelled quite foul. Perhaps the tingling newness of the touch could not be replayed in his mind in the same way that naivety could not bloom in the mind of the experienced.

\--

 

“Oh yeah, sure I can do something with this. I work from photos all the time. Who's the cutie?”

“He's my lab partner.”

“Oh, cool. What does he research? Maybe I can work his field into the design?”

“That would be nice. Engineering and abstract mathematics.”

“Awesome.”

“And stars. Can you put some stars in there, as well?”

“Hey man, it's your body.”

 

 


End file.
